Giuseppe Zanotti Print Snake Sneakers: Green-Shoed Monster

Jealousy-inspiring these high-tops are not. And who would ever think these were by Giuseppe Zanotti, he of the most enviable, sexiest snake-embossed platforms and sandals? Clearly, kicks are not his forte. I have to be frank: these sneakers are so ugly it hurts my eyes to look at them.

It’s not that I have anything against sporty shoes (Miu Miu’s glittery, Converse-style take is adorable!) – it’s that I have something against shoes that function as a visual assault. Exotics tend to make for a tacky look on straightforward athletic-wear, especially when you choose rich aqua-green faux snakeskin. Add that pointless zipper, revealing a floppy leather gusset, and the outcome is like something out of a science-fiction movie involving renegade reptiles and algae-like slime. A D-grade for this B-film monster. On ShopBop for $650.

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