Meadham Kirchoff Sparkle Pom Pom Platform Sandal: Raunch and Circumstance

Is this a shoe? Or is it Barbie’s new trundle bed? (If it’s the latter I really want to take a nap in it.) Unfortunately, the reality is, this isn’t her Dream Bed but simply a nightmare shoe. I may be delirious with 103° fever, from a crazy strain of Asian flu virus, but even with my weakened eyesight and poor judgment, I can tell Meadham Kirchoff’s shocking concoction of glitter, ruffles, and fluff is a major tragedy.

I first read the title as “Sparkle Porn Porn Platform Sandal.” Which, as it turns out, is probably a more appropriate name. It wouldn’t be so bad without the froufrou pom-pom, the peplum pleated details (why?! Just why…?!), and the contrasting gold panel. Strip it all down (pardon the pun) and you have a cute sparkly sandal. Or better yet, forget this ever happened, and keep shopping.

On Farfetch for $1,466.

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